What is Trauma?

The word trauma gets used a lot these days. Sometimes we hear it so much that it starts to lose meaning, or we assume it only applies to people who’ve gone through something extreme. But trauma isn’t just about a car accident, a war zone, or abuse. It’s also the small, repeated moments of disconnection that leave lasting imprints on how we experience life and ourselves.

I’ve come to understand this more deeply through my trauma-informed coach training with the Center for Healing, where I learned how trauma lives in the body and nervous system, not just in our thoughts or memories. Some trauma is obvious. But often, it is subtle; being left alone when we were scared. Being told not to cry. Growing up around unpredictability, emotional absence, or constant criticism. These moments often go unrecognized but become the foundation upon which our sense of self is built.

Most of this happens early, between birth and age seven, when we are most impressionable and least able to make sense of our experiences. We take everything personally. We don’t yet have the cognitive development to say, “This isn’t about me,” or “They’re just having a bad day.” So we internalize it. And from that place, we start building our lives.

Over time, the things we carry show up in our behaviors and patterns. Addictions, outbursts, shut-downs, fear of closeness, anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing. These are not random. They’re adaptations, responses, survival strategies. And when we can begin to see that behaviors are not the problem, everything starts to shift. We stop asking “What’s wrong with me?” and begin to ask “What happened to me?” or “What did I need that I didn’t get?”

That shift changes everything. It softens the way we see ourselves and others. It helps us respond with compassion instead of judgment. Healing doesn’t come from fixing what’s wrong, but from honoring what happened, feeling it fully, and reconnecting with the part of us that was never broken.

If this speaks to something inside you, you're not alone. There are ways to begin exploring what you carry. You don’t have to figure it all out. Just be willing to get curious, and let the rest unfold from there.